Your Hurtful Past Will Only Hold You Back If You Allow It
How do I let go of my past? It is a question many of us ask ourselves every time we experience a heartache or emotional trauma. Holding on to some bad that came your way about 5 years ago is a decision with the same consciousness that is involved in moving forward.
Something that connects us all as human beings is that we all have the ability to feel pain. Be it physical or emotional, the experience of being hurt is common with everyone. However, what separates us is how we deal with that pain. Do you let it go or let ruin your life going forward.
Self Honesty
One of the ways you can really put your past behind you is being honest with yourself. Denying that the breakup with the once was love of your life will only make matters worse. You may feel doing so helps you protect that inner fragile self of yours, but it is only a matter of time before that wall comes crumbling down too. Accept the hurt and the sadness for what it is, rather than trying to convince yourself it does not matter.
Be honest about the way you feel. Write your thoughts down and allow yourself to grieve. If you feel like crying, let the tears all out. In fact, there is no sin or shame in breaking down. No one is perfect, and you are no different. Inasmuch as bad things happen, we need to do all we can to process them so we can move on. Honesty is the key word. If it helps, talk to someone you know you can confide in.
Forgive And Make Peace
Even when the person who wronged you does not come through to apologize and make things right, bring yourself to forgive him or her. Making peace with that person within yourself will help you move on. Or, if it was a mistake you made that cost you, you are better off forgiving yourself, learning from it and moving on. Making peace with your choices is just as important as being honest that you made the mistake in the first place.
Is your first response to not being able to let go of a painful situation is to criticize yourself? If so, then it is time to cut yourself some slack and show yourself some sort of kindness and compassion—because you need it now more than ever. Treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend who is in the same situation. Offer self-compassion and do not make yet another mistake by comparing your journey to that of others. Most of all, do not rush the process.
Being Grateful For Other Things
Just because there is one bad apple in a basket does not mean you should throw the entire bunch into a ditch. Bear in your mind that humans are always on an incessant Hedonic Treadmill, constantly clamoring for shiny objects—just about anyone we can find along the way. As such, the problem is not being grateful for the ones we already have. But when we are able to take cognizance of the things we possess, we’d understand that there’ still life to live.
No matter how much something has hurt you, do not throw everything else away. Just because you had a bad breakup does not mean you should shut the door to your heart against everyone else. Be grateful that things ended the way they did, and that you did not have to live with such a mess for the rest of your life. Write a gratitude list, put it up where you can easily see it, read it everyday and remind yourself you still have a lot to be happy for.